As a third year law student entering into winter exam season, I've decided to reflect back on the last two and a half years and make some quick observations.
Like a foggy dream I remember what it was like to first come to law school. I can just barely remember what my friends and I were like that August. We were ambitious, positive, open-minded and we were able to carry on a social conversation without inserting some lame law humor or mindlessly panicking about how busy we were.
Nowadays our conversations are reduced to incoherent ramblings only discernible by other law school students. College friends are just on the cusp of giving up hope, assuming that we are forever busy, angry and competitive freaks, incapable of uttering a sentence not beginning with "OMG I am SOOO busy." Or how about this fan favorite: "Can we catch up tonight?" Next day: "Sorry, I was outlining. My professor is crazy and doesn't teach us anything so I have to teach myself."
We assume that anyone asking a question is on the offensive and we have to battle back with the best BS laden argument our little brains can come up with.
Guest: "Excuse me, where's the bathroom?"
Student: "Well that depends. There's several. Where are you trying to go with this? Because I'll tell you the answer depending on where you're trying to go. There's a lot of options see, and they're all really good. There are advantages to some. Some bathrooms are cleaner, while others have less of a line. Some of them are closer to where you're standing now. Then, if you're lucky, you might stumble across the one seater bathroom. Depending on which one you chose, there are varying levels of satisfaction that you can achieve after using that bathroom. But then again, it depends on your preference of privacy, proximity or waiting line. So why don't you tell me."
If I had a nickel for every time I've heard or said "have you read?"
Then you have your family to contend with. Merely coming up with a plan for a family Thanksgiving is enough to give any law student heart palpitations.
"Wait, you want me to spend the WHOLE DAY with the family RIGHT BEFORE EXAMS?"
MADNESS!
Oh and remember that time that you thought someone's word was their word and that most marriages last?
Now the mere act of selling a football ticket causes us to go into an automated sequence of "offer, acceptance, consideration..."
Say your Texas friend tells you he's getting a divorce. Naturally, you think, community property state. Adios house in South Padre. Oh whoops, I mean I'm so sorry. Can I do anything?
Ever chatting with a law school student and he immediately goes blank and appears to be thinking of something else? That's because no matter what fact scenario you just gave him, he's thinking about whether or not there was a duty owed and if "we've got a lawsuit on our hands."
I'm telling you, the moment Kim K announced her plans for divorce, my first thought was "wonder how airtight that pre-nup was?" Ok so maybe that wasn't just me...I digress.
So here we are again. Exams are on the horizon. Outline supplements are cropping up everywhere. We've got a caffeine tolerance of a 500 lb... dude...that drinks a lot of coffee? We are incapable of carrying on a normal conversation or participating as a social member of society. Our "non-law school friends'" worry is mounting.
So to all of you people out there, on behalf of law school students everywhere. We are sorry. Give us a little time. We'll be back to normal soon enough.
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