As a one half member of a house divided, the counterpart of many "friends divided", an Auburn fan resident of Tuscaloosa and an Alabamian with a pulse, I have had the occasion to observe and participate in many of the shenanigans that comprise the little tradition we like to call "THE IRON BOWL".
In light of the ESPN special airing tomorrow, I felt like I needed to add my 2 cents.
http://espn.go.com/espn/espnfilms/story/_/id/6961218/roll-tide-war-eagle
This weekend the football gods opened the heavens and graced us with the opportunity to watch what experts were calling the "Footballcolypse", the "Greatest Game Ever Played" and "The Game to End World Hunger". Two football titans collided in what turned out to be an epic weekend.
And I do mean that literally, check out these fans colliding on the quad.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YiUYbtqhzZY&feature=youtube_gdata_player
When the mayhem subsided, the dust cleared, and Alabama's dreams of #14 vanished quicker than a corndog at a cajun tailgate, Bama fans were angry.* And they were angry at...Auburn.
I woke up on Sunday morning and was confronted with social media that was all abuzz with anti-Auburn sentiments. "At least we're still better than Auburn", "I CANT BELIEVE Auburn pulled for LSU, how classless."
I was baffled.
Everyone stop. Hold the phone. What did you say? NOO! Auburn pulled for another SEC team that was playing their rival in a regular season game. Yes indeed! It's true!
Let me tell you why I was baffled. Finding an Alabama fan rooting for Auburn is about as difficult as finding Obama somewhere other than the campaign trail. I remember as a child singing along with Auburn's alma mater and Bama's band piping up with "Old McDonald Had a Farm." Auburn's an Ag school, huh huh huh. They grow things, huh huh huh.
More recently I have observed the mass purchasing of Roll Oregon Ducks Roll paraphernalia and vandalism of Auburn's campus and an ensuing mass t shirt printing enterprise with the caption "Updyke's Tree Service: We Get to the Root of the Problem." I have heard the "F&*k Auburn" chant during Dixieland Delight. (The guy who sings that song is Randy Owen, he's an Auburn fan. War Eagle Randy). When Auburn ended their winning streak in an ugly game against Clemson I tolerated the whole "Roll Dabo Roll." (Auburn: we missed a hell of an opportunity with this kid. People in his neighborhood called him "dat boy" which became abbreviated to "Dabo." That's a little red.) I have seen the "Never All In" buttons printed by the University of Alabama's Bookstore. I have heard "Take the Money and Run" and "Son of a Preacher Man" played at our team as they are warming up.
But you know what I'd tell Auburn fans?
SUCK IT UP.
This is the country's most intense rivalry. Your rival doesn't cheer for you. This isn't a mysterty. In fact, they pull against you. And they celebrate in your demise.
So when Sunday morning arrived and Alabama fans were boo hoo-ing en masse over the fact that Auburn fans were celebratory, I offered the same piece of advice:
SUCK IT UP.
This was the biggest hyped game I have seen in my lifetime.
When there's this much build up, the fall is harder. The more you talk, the more people revel in your demise. It's just the way it works.
Alabama, let me introduce you to a technique that Auburn has employed for years now. One word: SANDBAGGING. Now, I understand that might not be the Championship Winning technique that Paul "Bear" Bryant divined down from Mount Sinai. And my bet is that you wouldn't change that strategy for the world, even given the consequences.
These are two different, yet great schools who have different methods for what they do. And the way they do it makes this rivalry the best, most heated rivalry in the country.
Another thing that makes this rivalry? Family. Friends. More than most other rivals, in this state we are married to our rivals. We are houses divided. We are friendships. We are brothers and sisters. Mothers and daughters. Fathers and sons. We don't go back home to Michigan and complain about the rival that we won't have to deal with again until the next year. We deal with each other every day.
That's what I mean when I say dysfunctional family.
Despite our tree rolling, campus vandalizing, defeat celebrating tendencies, we've made this thing work for a hundred years. When our cross state brethren are hit with a natural disaster, we can mobilize and provide the most steady and up to date aid possible. The very thing that makes us hate is what makes this rivalry great.
And don't go talk about our tradition either. Or else we'll all hate YOU.
Here's my House/Friends/State Divided Survival Strategy:
1. Expect your rival will pull against you to their fullest extent possible. This eliminates the element of surprise.
2. Don't expect your rival to do something you probably wouldn't do yourself. This eliminates the element of disappointment.
3. Don't call each other "classless" when you take turns pulling for each other's opponent. This keeps you from being a hypocrite.
4. Understand this, you will win and you will lose. And both will happen in years you least expect it.
5. Arrive early, stay late, wear your Saturday's best, be loud.
And as always...
6. Glare at someone across the Thanksgiving Day dinner table.
*Disclaimer: THERE'S STILL A CHANCE. I know.
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